


Five Blasts Gossip Girl Never Sent

by katayla



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-11
Updated: 2009-09-11
Packaged: 2017-10-05 03:26:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katayla/pseuds/katayla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five scandals that didn't happen on the Upper East Side</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Blasts Gossip Girl Never Sent

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://afrocurl.livejournal.com/profile)[**afrocurl**](http://afrocurl.livejournal.com/) for the [](http://community.livejournal.com/whedonland/profile)[**whedonland**](http://community.livejournal.com/whedonland/) Fic-Fest, using the prompt "scandals."

**1.** _Remember Serena's oh-so-disappointing "murder" confession? Turns out her BFF has a much more interesting story._

Freshmen year, Blair narrowed her rivals for Queen down to two. The first was Serena, who Blair knew she could defeat. All it would take were some cute boys and a bit of alcohol and S would forget all about her social aspirations. But Annabelle. Annabelle was small and perky, boys loved her, and nobody but Blair seemed to notice how annoying she was.

She had to be taken down.

Later, Blair would justify it to herself by saying she was young and didn't realize such . . . extreme measures were overkill. (So to speak.) But at the time, the only solution she saw was to get rid of Annabelle. Completely. Permanently.

It wasn't easy. First, she had to spread some carefully worded rumors about Annabelle's drug use. Nothing that came directly from Blair and nothing too dramatic. Just a whisper here and there that Annabelle might have a "problem."

Then slip a little something to her at a party and . . . _voila_! The Upper East Side had a new tragedy to gossip about and Blair's way to the throne was clear.

She was hardly the only Queen to have blood on her hands.

**2.** _We should have seen this one coming. Meet the world's newest reality star: Serena van der Woodsen._

Serena was surprised when the show took off. She'd signed up for the reality show on a whim. She was used to people taking pictures of her, and video cameras wouldn't be much different, right?

Of course, she hadn't counted on her friends. Dan hid from the cameras and Blair hogged them. Jenny tried to make her wear her designs on air, Vanessa wanted to use her connections to break into the business, and Chuck kept her updated on all the nasty things the blogs said.

And, mostly, they didn't talk to her about anything real these days. Nobody wanted their secrets aired on camera. Even Gossip Girl had just about given up on her. Everything was shown on tv, so what was the point of dishing out scoop? (Serena missed that more than she would've guessed.)

But she was famous and people loved her (except for those bloggers). And she liked that all she had to do to keep her fans happy was shop and flirt with boys. What more could she ask from life?

**3.** _Turns out Little J has far more in common with her dad than anyone thought. Is the world ready for Little J: Rock Goddess?_

"Come on," Jenny said. "Two gay guys and two girls. It's the perfect mix!"

Eric and Jonathan exchanged a look. "I don't know, Jenny," Eric said. "Can't we just focus on surviving high school?"

"We won't _need_ high school," Jenny said. "We'd have careers!"

"Didn't you say that about fashion design?" Vanessa asked.

"Vanessa!"

"Sorry," Vanessa said. "But I'm not exactly musical."

"That's okay," Jenny said. "You give us our indie cred!"

Vanessa sighed. "I guess I _do_ need a new project."

"I'll do it if I can sing," Jonathan said.

"Perfect!" Jenny said. "And Eric has a guitar!"

"That I can't play."

"Don't worry about it," Jenny said. "You're our eye candy."

Eric frowned. "I'm pretty sure I should be offended by that."

"Please?" Jenny said, pouting at him.

Eric sighed. "I can't say no to you."

"Yes!" Jenny said. "Just wait! We'll be famous."

**4.** _Did you really think the Duchess was the only woman who would pay Nate for sex?_

At first, Nate was ashamed at taking Catherine's money. Then he realized it made perfect sense. He needed money and it was something he was good at. Why not pursue it?

It was easy to find customers. The Upper East Side was full of rich, bored women, and Nate figured he was doing a public service. Their husbands were too busy for them, Nate had plenty of time, and they had plenty of money. It was the perfect arrangement.  
His mom didn't ask questions and pretty soon they had more money than ever.

He thought about recruiting Chuck and maybe Dan and making a true business out of it, but they both seemed hung up on one woman. Nate didn't understand that. One woman was as good as another, right?

**5.** _You all know Chuck Bass doesn't like to show his face before dark. But what you don't know is he **can't** show his face before dark._

Chuck Bass hated Edward Cullen. All the girls in school swooned over him when the real thing was right in front of them.

Edward was _boring_ (although Chuck was a little jealous of the sparkling thing. So stylish). What was the point of being a vampire if you didn't take human blood? It wasn't like you had to _kill_ people. But if a woman agrees to go home with you, then is it really so bad to slip a little blood?

He even had his Queen of the Night picked out. Blair was being tedious about the whole thing, but she'd come around soon enough. And then . . . forget about the school, they would rule the _world_.


End file.
